As I approached the street my heart skipped a few beats. I flicked my turn signal so I could make the left hand turn. Two sweet little girls were sound asleep behind me in the van so I could lose myself in memories. How is it over a year already? It feels like just yesterday we walked down that familiar block to the little park with a picnic in hand and a baby in the stroller.
I came to a complete stop at the three way stop as I always did after being kindly reminded by an officer a few years back. There were the two Victorian homes that looked like they belong in the pages of a book about doll houses. There was the chain link fence marking our driveway which was now filled with two cars that I don't recognize.
There is the house...our home. Oh, my heart almost floated away. I have missed that house so much. It looked so different yet so much the same to me. I wanted to turn in to that driveway, take my girls out of the van, and scurry in to get supper started but I drove on. I drove on down the street to the end and turned.
I saw a new mother pushing her new baby in the stroller with tears streaming down her face as she fought feelings of inadequacy and being overwhelmed. (She was on her phone so I am sure she was talking to her best friend who told her she was doing just fine and it would get so much easier.) Then I passed a mom pushing a little girl who was a bit older and she had that pregnant glow on her face. Then there just a ways up the street was a mother pushing a brand new baby with her big sister in front. She looked pretty sleep deprived but she was beaming with pride over her brood.
Then I came back to the main street, the beautiful tree lined main street and turned to head out of town back to my new home.
I kind of wished I could go back in time to that younger mom and tell her, "Enjoy this moment. Live it to it's fullest. Don't take it for granted. Change will come as it always does. Suck the marrow out of what you have now and hang on during the ride."
As I drove south with those two older girls asleep in the back, I realized that is what I need to do now. Suck the marrow out of this moment. (I love that line that I got from Kelle Hampton. She has inspired me to want to suck out the marrow!) Yes, I live in an apartment. Yes, my husband goes to school full time. Yes, we are in a way, starting over in our mid-30's while everyone else around us seems settled. Yes, change scared the heck fire out of me. BUT I have this moment. I will never get it back. So, pull up the stool, grab a straw and start sucking out the good stuff.
I found this quote on a friend's Facebook page today and boy, did it hit me in between the eyes.
"You are the way you are because that's the way you want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now." (I couldn't make out the name of the person who said this quote. Sorry!)
Start looking at the glass being half full and not half empty!