We are considering a move this summer. My dream is to be moving back into a house. I LOVE to drive around our town and look at homes stashing away ideas for someday. We are blessed to live in a community where there are many beautiful homes. My idea of a beautiful home is a place filled with character or A.K.A. it has been around for awhile. I love older homes. There are certainly some beautiful new homes but the older ones have character. You can't build character. It comes over years and from families who fill a home with laughter and tears and memories.
I've been perusing Flickr to find some examples of homes that I am drawn to. (Original image can be found HERE.)
A big porch is a MUST! (Original image can be found HERE.)
Alas....I have let go of these dreams for now. If we move it will more than likely be to yet another apartment that has much better rates for rent but is smaller with much less storage space. BUT the rent is extremely better for our budget AND there is a nice little fenced in back yard for us to play in and playground areas all over the complex.
When we began talking about this I felt so let down. I want a house. But then something changed. I let it go and I began to feel this twinge of excitement about something different, about change. It may not be what I had dreamed of but it may be something so much better when viewing it from God's perspective. So we consider and ponder and see if this is what God has for us. I'll tuck my dreams away for now and maybe someday I'll have a little bungalow with an amazing porch. As long as I am with my little family, I'm home.
I had a sweet visit with a friend one morning this week. God pretty much plopped her right down into my life after our move and said, "Here you go! Here is a sister in Christ who will walk alongside you for this phase of the journey I have called you on." He is so cool like that! (We won't mention that she will be moving away this summer. No, we won't talk about that.) Anywho...we were chatting amongst children fighting over toys, children writing on dry erase boards with ink pens, and children laughing in delight. A certain book came up. This certain book has come up in so many various ways the past few weeks. I know God keeps bringing it to my mind and in conversation for a reason.
It is A Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Have you heard of it? Have you read it? I am thoroughly excited about reading it. I can't wait to get my hands on it, read it, highlight the parts that hit me between the eyes and really, really, really contemplate all of the things that I am grateful for because I take so much, SO MUCH for granted in this life. I am a "see the glass half empty" kind of person typically.
It drives my heart nuts when my head is so full of worry and anxiety over really stupid things. I have never had to worry about life and death situations with my kids. They are healthy. God has seen us through a couple of very scary things, but I have not had to worry over a pronouncement of terminal illness. I have never had to worry about a phone call from the bank saying that something that belonged to us no longer did due to finances. There have been bills paid late here and there, reconnection fees have been paid before, but it has always worked out. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in our pantry. The other stuff is truly just the cream on top that we can live with or without and I take it for granted.
My friend told me about his statement from the book that WHACKED me hard between the eyes. It was something about how when we worry or stress out about our circumstances or issues at hand, we are basically calling ourselves atheists because if we truly believe, then we know He WILL take care of us and we have no need to worry or stress. WHACK! I am so guilty of worry and stress, like I need to be totally convicted and the key needs to be thrown away guilty. How can I call myself a Christian when I don't LET myself just trust? Has He EVER let go of me? Has He ever not provided in His way, in His time? No!
So today at Bible study I started a new study called Plan B by Pete Wilson and guess what...It totally falls into line with what I am wrestling with. Will I truly trust Him when my plan doesn't go the way I think it should go? So excited from what I will glean over the next 5 weeks in this study!
During our worship time, they played a video of a song that I had not heard before and am kind of embarrassed to say I didn't realize it was J.J. Heller. Hello! Where have I been? But this song hit me between the eyes again! WHACK! Like by the end of the very first line, I was choking back tears and hoping I wouldn't go into sobbing hysterics. It was beautiful. Just beautiful. I want to share it with you here. (Remember to scroll down and pause my music player to be able to hear the video.)
And by the way....I bought the Ann Voskamp book today and can't wait to start it and just soak it in!
I've had this post floating around in my head for a week now. I joined a Bible study at a local church with a friend of mine. It is entitled Ruth: Loss, Love and Legacy by Kelly Minter. Our last session for this study is this coming week. It is an excellent study and I would recommend to anyone who has the opportunity to do it.
I didn't really sit down and pick a study that I wanted to join. I joined because my friend asked me to and I just picked the one she was doing. When I saw the cover of the book something struck deep within me...loss, love, and legacy. Wow! Those are three really meaning-filled and profound words.
Loss: I have been aching lately with loss and missing my mom. It was much stronger during the holidays this year than last. I think it has alot to do with all that is on our plate as a family and being away from my extended family. Sometimes I feel really alone tucked down here and just want to call her. When I am at the end of my rope with tattling and kids not sharing and Hubby has been gone for the third entire day in a row, I just want to call and beg her to come and help me, just be with me. So "loss" is a huge thing that I am struggling with. My loss isn't as huge as Naomi's loss was but it's still a loss and it is where I am.
Love: At my church's Mom's group a few sessions back we had a speaker come in and talk to us about grace. She ended by reading I Corinthians 13 from the perspective of a Mother. It brought tears to my eyes and struck a chord in my heart. I have not been the most loving of moms lately. I have been short, impatient and easily frustrated lately. I think it has alot to do with just being cooped up due the winter weather and lots of illness, but still...
"Love is patient, love is kind (even when we've cooped up for days upon days and we feel loopy). It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud (even when I feel frumpy and out of place, or my kid is throwing a fit and no one else's is). It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs (even when I am at the end of my rope dealing with the terrible pre-twos and emotional 4 year old and I am tired from interrupted sleep and feel like I am single-parenting). Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (That is my take on it.)
Legacy: I really, really, really want to leave a legacy for my girls that is filled with love, constant, cherishing, unconditional. I want them to look back and remember their mom was kind, loving, giving, and strong only when under the wings of her Jesus.
As I said this is our last week and we will be moving on to another study called "Plan B." That one has piqued my interests too. I know one thing for sure that I have adored being with these other women each Friday morning knowing that they are real and striving for the same goal as I. As I work on the last week of this study, a skit by Nicole Johnson came flooding my memory. It totally speaks about building legacies even in the midst of the mundane task of life. I want to share it here with you and hope that maybe it will resonate with you as it has with me! (Remember to pause the music player at the bottom of the page before you hit play.)
These are my cathedrals. Aren't they grand???? I sure think so and can not comprehend why I am allowed to build within their little walls!
It's 6:34 p.m. and I am drinking a cup of coffee because it has been one of those days...actually a few of those days. We have been dealing with sick kids and now a sick hubby. I am not sure which is worse but I think it might be the sick hubby. I have forbidden the girls to go near him as I don't want the little one sick again or the big one sick at all so that means I am flying solo while he lies miserably on the couch.
I am PLUM WORE OUT! I've tried to catch up on all our regular laundry plus sickie laundry like blankets and such. There are also more dishes it seems when we are sick so I've been trying to keep up with that. There is also the extra runs to the grocery store for Sprite, yogurt, chicken noodle soup, toilet paper, and such.
I also feel like a deer staring at headlights as 1/2 of my family has had the flu and my oldest has been running a fever today but no other signs of being sick. I don't want to get sick. It's not good when Mama is sick.
And oh my, the little one...well she has been a SPITFIRE since being sick last Wednesday. Last night was bad, bad, bad and today hasn't been much better. It didn't help that she had to get some shots yesterday either...they made her even more grouchy. I'm about ready to pull my hair out right now...but I won't since I don't think it's a good look for me.
So it has been a movie, tomato soup (from a can) and grilled cheese kind of night. My attitude has been sour and I am ready to put these littles to bed and collapse into a pile.
I am so grateful that His mercies are new every morning because tonight I am clinging to that.
As I approached the street my heart skipped a few beats. I flicked my turn signal so I could make the left hand turn. Two sweet little girls were sound asleep behind me in the van so I could lose myself in memories. How is it over a year already? It feels like just yesterday we walked down that familiar block to the little park with a picnic in hand and a baby in the stroller.
I came to a complete stop at the three way stop as I always did after being kindly reminded by an officer a few years back. There were the two Victorian homes that looked like they belong in the pages of a book about doll houses. There was the chain link fence marking our driveway which was now filled with two cars that I don't recognize.
There is the house...our home. Oh, my heart almost floated away. I have missed that house so much. It looked so different yet so much the same to me. I wanted to turn in to that driveway, take my girls out of the van, and scurry in to get supper started but I drove on. I drove on down the street to the end and turned.
I saw a new mother pushing her new baby in the stroller with tears streaming down her face as she fought feelings of inadequacy and being overwhelmed. (She was on her phone so I am sure she was talking to her best friend who told her she was doing just fine and it would get so much easier.) Then I passed a mom pushing a little girl who was a bit older and she had that pregnant glow on her face. Then there just a ways up the street was a mother pushing a brand new baby with her big sister in front. She looked pretty sleep deprived but she was beaming with pride over her brood.
Then I came back to the main street, the beautiful tree lined main street and turned to head out of town back to my new home.
I kind of wished I could go back in time to that younger mom and tell her, "Enjoy this moment. Live it to it's fullest. Don't take it for granted. Change will come as it always does. Suck the marrow out of what you have now and hang on during the ride."
As I drove south with those two older girls asleep in the back, I realized that is what I need to do now. Suck the marrow out of this moment. (I love that line that I got from Kelle Hampton. She has inspired me to want to suck out the marrow!) Yes, I live in an apartment. Yes, my husband goes to school full time. Yes, we are in a way, starting over in our mid-30's while everyone else around us seems settled. Yes, change scared the heck fire out of me. BUT I have this moment. I will never get it back. So, pull up the stool, grab a straw and start sucking out the good stuff.
I found this quote on a friend's Facebook page today and boy, did it hit me in between the eyes. "You are the way you are because that's the way you want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now." (I couldn't make out the name of the person who said this quote. Sorry!)
Start looking at the glass being half full and not half empty!
IT.IS.HOT! We are under a heat advisory and watch for the rest of today and all day tomorrow. It is miserable outside. I don't like heat like this. If I have to be out in it, I get grumpy. I thoroughly enjoy the temperatures that come with fall. I am not ashamed to say that I am very much looking forward to fall.
I could not live in an area that doesn't have seasonal changes because I could not make it without seeing my world transform from green to brilliant shades of red, orange, and yellow. It is magical. I love everything about fall, the aromas and the sights. I also dearly love to walk outside and not be hit by a wall of heat and humidity.
My one hope for fall is that is will last. It seems to be over as soon as it arrives. I am hopeful for a fall that will hang on this year so that we can enjoy each and every minute of beauty and crisp air.
Watching God's hand at work as he creates a masterpiece of color in the trees is absolutely brilliant. His is an amazing artist in each season.
We purchased a new children's Bible story book for our daughter's 4th birthday. I had read about the book on Angie Smith's blog Bring the Rain. I also knew some friends that had it for their children. I can't say enough about it. Peanut looks forward to it each night, anticipating the upcoming story. She sleeps with it and some nights I hear her retelling the stories that we have already read or making up stories about the ones we haven't. I love that each story ends with foreshadowing of what or Who is to come.
The name of the book is PERFECT, The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name. That is exactly how each story ends. The story doesn't end, it fills you with anticipation for what is to come, the Rescuer. I have enjoyed reading it with her each night almost as much as she enjoys hearing the stories.
I am thrilled to see her excited about these stories and for her to hear how God has helped his people since the beginning of time. How He has never given up on us, even when we are in the mire of sin.
I highly recommend this book if you have littles at home or for a family with littles.
On a completely different note, I am getting close to 150 posts. I am thinking of doing a giveaway or something for that post. I'll keep you in suspense though! A giveaway would be a great way to actually get some comments on here again though. Ha! Keep checking back to see if I do it or wait until 200 posts.
It is the spring of 1998. It is the middle of the night along a desolate highway as a young engaged couple speed along. The young woman is asleep in the passenger seat dreaming of picking out fabric for her wedding gown with her soon to be mother-in-law the next day. Her seat is laid back. She awakes as the car comes to a stop. The young man looks at her and says, "I need to use the restroom. Keep the doors locked." As he jumps out of the car, the young woman thinks to herself, "He doesn't worry about car doors being locked. That's strange."
She lifts herself up to look around. As she looks out the side window she looks directly into a car parked one space over. In the car is a man and he is looking directly at her and in that moment instinct tells her, "This is not right. He is up to no good." She lays back down immediately, heart pounding as her mind fills with fear. As she pulls the seat up, the man in a long black trench coat is in front of her car walking to the bathroom. He does not take his eyes off of the young woman as he walks past the car. She is frozen with fear because she knows where he is going and fears she knows what he is up to.
She watches him disappear into the men's restroom and while praying over and over in her head, slides into the driver's seat, fumbles with the outdated car phone with shaking hands. She dials 9-1-1 and tells the operator what is happening. The operator asks where she is and she replies, "I was asleep. I know we already passed through Fort Wayne but not quite to Ohio on US 30. " The operator isn't sure she can help but says she will alert the patrols who are out to stop at rest stops in that vicinity to check on things. The young woman knows that help is not quickly on it's way.
The young woman is frantic as the man in the trench coat does indeed come out. He walks to his car, gets in and watches her. The young woman is hysterical as she watches and waits for the young man but he doesn't come. She doesn't know what to do but realizes the safest place is in the car with the doors locked and the key in the ignition not running to the bathroom to look for the young man. She makes a plan in her head. If the man in the trench coat heads for her, she will take matters into her own hands and use her car as a weapon of defense if she must.
After what seems to be an eternity the young man appears and rapidly approaches the car, jumps in and she throws the car into reverse, backs up and speeds off, with tears streaming down her face and hands shaking uncontrollably. It takes almost an hour for her to stop looking in her rear view mirror for headlights following them, but there are none.
The young man tells her he went into the stall in the bathroom, heard the man in the trench coat come in soon after. He went into the stall next to him and things were silent. The young man heard no noises and he was unsure what to do as he felt this stranger was up to no good. He then heard the man in the trench coat leave and all the young man could think of was the young woman alone out in the car. The young man flew out of the bathroom to the car, thankful that they were both safe within the car and it's locked doors.
He apologized to the young woman as he felt that something wasn't right that night on the desolate highway. He vowed to never stop at a rest stop in the middle of the night again.
And to this day Hubby has done no such thing and if he even thinks about it, I quickly remind him that the side of the road is a safer option after our experience 12 years ago.
I honestly with all of my heart know the power of prayer protected both of us that night 12 years ago. Hubby and I had no doubt in our minds that this stranger had awful plans for that night. In fact we scoured the newspaper and news the next day to see if anything had happened but thankfully found nothing.
It was a terrifying thing and to this day, I haven't had a moment like it. I am thankful for that! I do know that my instincts were kicking in high gear and screaming that things were not right. Listen to those instincts. They were given to us for a reason. Sometimes we think we may be assuming too much but I believe it is safer too assume to0 much and be safe, rather than to muffle those instincts and pay an awful price.
My heart is racing again even as I think back on that night.....
I didn't get to sew...yet. I took the girls to the basement sewing area/toy room yesterday and realized that each project I had picked needed something that I didn't have and would need before I could begin sewing. So today I'm off in search of a magnetic closure after a quiet respite at Starbucks.
I begged Hubby to watch the girls after church today so that I could have some time alone. I love those girls so much it makes me ache inside, but I needed some alone time. As said before my personality type needs alone time to be re-energized. I was lacking quite a bit in that area. Do you think they would mind if I curled up in one of the leather chairs and took a nap? That would just be perfecta. Lunch at therls to the basement sewing area/toy room and realized that each project I had picked needed something that I didn't have and would need before I could begin sewing. So today I'm off in search of a magnetic closure after a quiet respite at Starbucks.
I know this is the internet and I know anyone can read this and I know most of my loyal readers...errr...my one loyal reader knows who I am, but at this point I don't care. I need you all to join me in prayer if you know me or not. I don't think I had mentioned it here but 2 weeks ago we got word that our house had sold. Hubby was ecstatic. I was so glad but a bit more reserved in my celebratory spirit as somewhere inside me I knew we still had to pass inspections and make it to the closing with nothing amiss.
Yesterday as I dropped Hubby off at work he told me that our house didn't fail the inspection but it didn't pass it either. The realtor didn't know what the buyer would do, if she would proceed, want to discuss how to approach the issues or just back out. So now we wait. The ball is in her court and we are left holding our rackets waiting.
After I dropped Hubby off at work I drove around our town and cried. Pumpkin was asleep in her car seat and Peanut was content watching the sights out the car window. I begged God to show my why it seems that things just don't fall into place. It seems that the past two years have been one hard thing after another. I am ready for easy. I need easy. I need a season of peace. I crave it so much it makes my heart hurt.
Will you please pray with me about this. I am praying that the buyer will not see the "issues" as huge and will continue with the process. Pray that I will hold tightly to faith! I have more swimming in my head about this and a blog post I read a few weeks ago that I know was written for me but it is loud in here and I just can't think. Maybe I will go take a nap in that comfy leather chair now. Haha!
I have been an Amy Grant fan since the beginning of my junior high years. I sang all of her songs into my hairbrush. I went to her concerts. I sported her concert t-shirts with pride. I haven't followed her much in the recent years but I caught her newest song on the radio and loved it. It is so simple, so real just like many of her lyrics. She can hammer the nail on it's head pretty well. I read her new book Mosaic also this past winter and it was really well done. I was inspired by her honesty.
The lyrics to this new song are so simple but so insightful. This is just how God wants us to come to Him in a simple way. He doesn't want us to be fake. He longs for us to be real, authentic right where we are, whatever moment we are in.
The first two lines are what really caught my attention and spoke right to me.
"God loves a lullaby in a mother's tears in the dead of night.
Better than a hallelujah sometimes."
I had some very rough days with my littlest girl. She has such extreme moods either the happiest, funniest little thing or really unhappy.
Tonight my oldest daughter chose a Mother Goose book before bed and we read the following nursery rhyme.
"Once there was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good,
She was very good,
But when she was bad,
She was horrid."
This had to be written for my curly headed sweetie! I'm telling you, it had to be.
She was in a very grumpy mood this past week and this mommy was at the end of her rope. It didn't help that we were away from home without Hubby and out of our routine. We were staying with my dad and bless his heart, he kept both girls one day so I could sneak off and get refreshed over a lunch with my best friend.
All that being said, the way that I choose to react to Miss Grumpy Pants is a way of worshiping Him. When I react out of love and patience, He honors that. And He did. We got through the rough days. We are back home and had a DELIGHTFUL day together today. Can I tell you that when she is in a good mood...it's just THEE best thing ever. Her joy is contagious. It is better than a hallelujah!
(Remember to pause my playlist at the bottom of this page to hear the video.)
It's time to share with you about someone whom I love to death. She is my best friend. She is just an amazing person yet I know when she reads this she is going to tell me I shouldn't have posted it. She doesn't think she is all that special but she is. She knows that there is only one real reason how she is able to continue on the remarkable journey that she is on. She will tell you straight up that it is not by her academic prowess (but she is STINKING smart), her discipline or anything of her. She is an amazing person but she knows she is making it through each day because she is doing exactly what she has been called to do by Jesus.
She is currently in the army and a pre-med student in her 2nd year of studies. I do not know how she does it all. When I am having a rough day, I remember my best friend and realize I can do this if she is doing what she is doing. On top of all of her crazy studies, she is an incredible mom. She adores the two beautiful kids that God has blessed her and her husband with.
How did I meet this Wonder Woman? Well, that is a funny story. It was 1997 and I had started seeing this guy that I met at college. He started telling me about his two best friends who were engaged to be married. She was having some medical problems at the time and he asked me to pray for her.
Now this guy (whom I currently have two beautiful little girls with) was, shall we say...edgy. He wasn't a preppy type in his style. He was more...maybe on the hippy side. So I being a conservative dresser was envisioning his two best friends in the whole world in my head and what I envisioned for her was a hippy. I imagined prairie dresses, hairy legs and arm pits...well you get the idea. I wasn't sure they would approve of their best friend's new gal and her collection of Amy Grant CDs.
As our meeting drew nearer, I knew what a big deal this was. They were his best friends and I was completely smitten with this guy and I wanted their blessing and I SHAVE MY LEGS! We were to meet on the weekend of their wedding. We headed to Ohio for the big weekend in which not only was I meeting the best friends, but the parents too. NO PRESSURE there!
The parent meeting was awesome. I adore my in-laws and it started right at the first meeting. They were so kind and welcoming so I was hoping for the same when meeting said friends.
We took off for the rehearsal dinner. We entered the banquet room. I scoped it out for this girl who I had perfectly pictured in my head. This guy with this infectious laugh and strong handshake introduced himself as "Future Hubby's" best friend. Then I was introduced to the sweetest girl who was clean shaven (heehee) and in a dress she probably had found at the mall.
From that moment we met a friendship formed and grew and over time we became best friends. I do NOT know what I would do without her friendship today. I can't even begin to count the tears we have cried together and the laughs we have had. When she hurts, I hurt and I know that is vice versa too. I love her kiddos to the moon and back as she loves mine. I feel like I have gained so much from her and given so little in return. I will never forget the moment she met my firstborn for the first time. She cried like she was seeing her own baby. It was one of the sweetest moments. She is an honorary auntie to my kids as I am to hers.
Due to our move this last fall and her very stressful school schedule, we no longer get to see each other much BUT it does make me cherish our times together even more. We may run up the minutes on our cell phones but we can always pick up where we left off.
At one point in time we did in fact live in the same town and her daughter was enrolled in my preschool class. One evening I had her family over for supper and gave them some belated birthday gifts. I had written in her hubby's card how thankful I was that they lived so close and how much it meant to me and if he ever moved her away I would be ticked off. After he read his card he said, "We have something to tell you. We are moving." Tears came and kept coming even after they said they were moving only 30 minutes away. We laugh about it now especially that we are 3 1/2 hours from each other but at the time I was devastated.
I do dream of a day when we will live on the same block and she will be my kids' doctor. I don't know if this will ever happen as it appears we are becoming farther and farther apart as far as miles go. One thing I know for sure, no matter how far the miles are she will always be my best friend. There are countless more laughs and tears to share. I'm hoping more laughs than tears.
I love you dear, dear, dear friend. I am so proud of you and what you are doing. You truly are a jar of clay!
2 Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."
My hubby is a news junkie extraordinaire. He knows what is going on in the world especially in the world of politics. If you are his Facebook friend you will know this from the news links he posts hourly.
I have a hard time discussing events of our world with him because frankly if it wasn't on Caillou or Curious George, I'm really out of the loop. So...he fills me in. He lets me know what has been happening while I have been changing diapers, filling juice cups, and maintaining peace between two little ones who need to share.
Some days though, it's hard to listen to. I mean really I do care. I care what is going on in our world, but when you are fed everything in a huge nutshell it is so overwhelming. (Let me mention that I overwhelm VERY easily which is a huge pet peeve of Hubby's.) There are times when I have to say, "Enough. That is all my mind can take."
He tells me every time there is an earthquake reported and is currently listening to all video clips regarding the volcanic eruption in Iceland.
This stuff really freaks me out. I'll be honest. I hate to be all "End Times" but...Wow! Between the many natural disasters happening almost daily and the economic downfall our country...it's so much to take in.
Tonight I was watching the series finale of a show that I might not admit to watching depending upon whom I was talking to but I just couldn't help myself from viewing and watching this adorable "UGLY" duckling transform into a beautiful Betty....I mean swan. Anyways....the show closed with a song that I just loved. Typically R&B music isn't my style but this song was fun and it made me smile. I just had to share it here because frankly the world is a REAL Debbie Downer but then again it really always has been BUT there is still beauty in the world.
The flowers are blooming, the sky is blue, the leaves are unfolding before my very eyes, my girls are amazing....yes, indeed, amidst all of the heart ache and hurt, there is still beauty in the world. Thank you, Lord for your creative artistry and knack at amazing details.
(If you want to hear the song that inspired this post, here it is. Remember to pause my playlist at the bottom of the page before playing the video.)
* This morning when I washed my hair, I noticed that my shampoo bottle is almost empty while my conditioner bottle was not nearly that empty. Someone has been using my shampoo because I HATE when they are not nearing empty at the same rate so I go to great lengths to make sure this doesn't happen. This bothers me alot. I mean...do I buy more conditioner and then always have this problem? How annoying is that!!! So I just use less shampoo and a GLOB of conditioner and gently remind Hubby that I have in fact restocked his shampoo and to leave mine alone!
* This probably goes hand in hand with the above issue. Each morning I open our front windows, I make sure that the two windows are level with each other when opened. I also make sure the blinds are level when I let them down. I do not like when one side is higher or lower than the other. Is that what you call anal?
* I have two grocery items that I can not give up even though they cost more to buy and probably are not green. I love the cleaning wipes! I use them all of the time. I hate spraying gunk all over but love these handy dandy little cleaning things. I also LOVE the Crisco you can buy in sticks. I hate plopping globs of Crisco in measuring cups. What a mess! The sticks are so convenient. I rarely use Crisco so I don't feel too bad about buying these rather than that big old can of lard.
* I finally jumped on board with reusable shopping bags. Kroger had the cutest ones 2 for $1.00 yesterday so I bought 4 and felt really good about myself. I am so tired of plastic shopping bags falling out every time I open my pantry door!
* The lilacs are in FULL bloom here. I wish I had a picture to share with you but I didn't have time to stop and get one today. I LOVE lilacs!
* The lifestyle change...not going so hot right now. I've been in a funk. The girls have been sick, we had Easter...I got out of my habit changes but I will get there. We're still eating healthier. My grocery cart had a lot of produce today which makes me as happy as a lark.
* I made homemade chicken strips the other night and they were lovely. Have you used Panko bread crumbs? I've heard so much about them but had never bought them. The chicken strip recipe I used called for them and all I have to say is, "SO LONG BREADCRUMBS!" Here is the recipe for Jill's Crispy Herbed Chicken Strips. These will be made again!
* Our realtor emailed my hubby to let him know that someone who had been in to look at our house had poked at a patch of paint above our fireplace that was a bit bubbled. We lived in that house for 7 years with that bubble and never bothered it. We didn't pick at it when we were looking at the house interested in buying it. But now someone felt the need to poke and we have a hole in the paint that looks redneck. Thank you dear, sweet person for doing that. Thanks for thinking that it was polite to POKE the bubble. It sure was thoughtful!!!!! Grrrrr!
(Up-date: A friend of ours stopped by to see the damage and it isn't just chipped paint. The person pushed hard enough to go all the way through and we now have a HOLE the size of a baby food jar lid!!!! The hole goes all the way through...like there is nothing behind the hole..no wall, just nothingness! She didn't think it was something we would be able to just patch up. It could involve redoing the entire arched wall above our fire place!!!!! She said she pushed on the area a little to see how much give it had and it had none. This means that the thoughtful person SHOVED until it gave and made the hole. I'm having a hard time feeling kindhearted towards this lovely person!)
*That leads me to the house. We had two people very interested in taking a step towards putting an offer on the house 2 weeks ago. Here we are two weeks later and nothing. It is so discouraging. I know there are others who have been on the market for much longer and I try to remember that, but it is getting exceedingly harder. I've been in a mood for awhile now and I think this is why. I just know that with warm weather comes alot more upkeep and it is so hard to get up there. And then there is the whole thing about money. It is discouraging. And it doesn't help that I miss my house so much. I loved that house. I still do. Right now I miss my yard, my flower beds. Spring has really put this ache in me for the house. It is the sweetest home. I miss my park down the street. I miss our neighborhood. I miss it.
* What kind of person facebooks you to ask if she can stop by your house that is for sale to mow the yard for you and offers to do it for you off and on over the summer months? AN AWESOME, INCREDIBLE, THOUGHTFUL friend. Thank you so much!!!!! She even scored a blister and didn't mind a bit. Wow! I need to be more like that!!!!! It spoke so much to me about serving others.
Tonight I was visiting a blog that I have mentioned here before Isabel Hope. Their story is heart breaking but they have faith and believe that God will see them through their heart ache. While I was reading her beautiful insights from this journey they are on, the second song in her playlist began to play and something stirred within me. I knew that song. It flooded my heart with memories and longing. Where was it from? Why did it move me so? Why were there tears forming in my eyes?
I checked the title and I knew. It was "Jessica's Theme" from the movie "The Man from Snowy River." Have you ever seen this movie? It is a good old chick flick straight from the 80's. I can pretty much guarantee my hubby would be sneaking peeks at his iPod if I made him watch it.
But why did this song strike such a chord with me? It took me right back to 1989(ish). My dad had to go out of town for work for a while and we had a pretty new VCR. My mom and I had a girl's night. We rented The Man from Snowy River having no idea what it was. We loved this movie so much! I believe we had also rented The Man from Snowy River 2. We fell in love with Jim and Jessica and rooted them on. I was in junior high so I was falling all over this Jim character. I dreamed of owning a horse farm in Australia.
This song took me right back to that living room and my mom. It stirred so many emotions in me and made me cry as I missed her so much again.
Isn't it totally amazing how music or a certain smell or taste can invoke such strong emotions or memories. It is so powerful.
The smell of smoke or the way the wind blows a certain way takes me instantly back to my mission trip to Grenada while I was in college. The smell of coffee in the morning can take me right back to spending the night at my Grandma's house as a little girl.
"Jessica's Theme" is a beautiful song. You can listen to it here. Remember to pause my playlist at the bottom before watching the video which is from the movie. If you are in need of a good romance you should try to locate this movie. I think I am going to hunt it down at our library for some quiet evening when I am all alone and can wrap myself in the memory of Mom.
I am a fan of Kayla Aimee's blog. Do you know who she is? Have you ever read her blog? I try to wait until the end of the day before I sit down to read what she has shared on that day. 99.9% of the time find myself laughing out loud over what is found there. She is a hoot to read and has such a great style of writing. I just love her.
A few posts ago she shared her most awkward moment. You can find it HERE. Oh my word. I think I would have DIED if this had happened to me!
I thought it would be fun to share an awkward moment from my life with you. Now this moment is really not comparable at all to Kayla's but it was pretty awkward for me.
This "fun" moment happened one earlyu spring night back in 2006. Hubby had gone white water rafting with our church's youth group for the weekend. My mother-in-law had just dropped me off from an evening out shopping. It was already pretty late so I quickly put on my VERY OLD pjs which consisted of some shorts and a t-shirt. Let me also mention here that I was about 5-6 months pregnant, so my loose fitting pjs were not so loose. Let me also say again that they were OLD. They were not a cute matching set, by NO means. And it was pj time so I had also let the girls free.
So glad I can't see the mental picture you have right now but you probably have it just about right.
I got busy doing some things around the house before bed. I had some boxes that needed to be thrown into the garage so took them out and CLOSED THE DOOR BEHIND MYSELF. Immediately I knew what I had just done. OH NO! I was in pjs, no shoes and no socks and I had just locked myself out of my house. It was at least 10:00 p.m. and it was cold out. GREAT!
I ran to the front of the house to check the front door which automatically locks but I was hoping against hope that for one time it had malfunctioned and was not locked. IT WAS LOCKED! GREAT!
I had no idea what to do. These are the totally rational options that went through my head and I spent at least 10 minutes trying to decide which was the best route to go.
1.) Break the kitchen window!
2.) Walk uptown to a pay phone and call my mother-in-law to come rescue me. Oh, wait...I don't know her phone number because they only used a cell phone and I had it on speed dial in my phone. Oh, wait....I had no money to make a phone call. (I had found a yucky pair of flip-flops in the garage by this point.)
3.) Curl up in my car and wait for hubby to come rescue me. Hubby would be home the next afternoon.
4.) Go to the neighbors to ask for help.
*The eastern neighbors were in their 80's, asleep and hard of hearing. They wouldn't hear me knock and if they did, I would wake them up and the whole neighborhood would know of my predicament after their breakfast at the uptown dinerz. (The hubby was seriously hard of hearing. We had a dog named Petie that would bark alot. He was convinced the dog's name was Beanie and would constantly shout, "Beanie! Quiet!")
*The western neighbors still had lights on in the house. I hardly knew them.
I sucked up ALL of my pride and knocked on the door. Their teen-age daughter answered the door and got her DAD! Yeah! Get the DAD! Just what I wanted. I explained what had happend while shivering and crossing my arms over my chest, while trying to stand behind the bush by their door. I did explain that I was pregnant and doing stupid things all of the time. (That was my worst pregnancy symptom with my first daughter.)
He was SOOOO nice and quickly came to my rescue. His daughter tagged along. It was a fun family adventure for them. I'm so glad I could provide late night entertainment.
He assessed the situation and figured we would have to break the window and I did not care. He had one more idea, trying to break in! He tried his method and it worked! I could have cried. I was so happy to finally be in my warm home.
I did make a plate of cookies to take to them for helping me.
Do you have an embarassing moment? Be sure to blog about it and then let me know in my comments.
Two personal, deep posts in a row. Can you handle it? I had to make up for that ridiculous one a few posts ago that might have made you blush. Ha!
Seriously. I have had an emotionally draining day today. I'd rather not share specifics as they are personal but it's been one of those days when I can't wait for it to be over and start over tomorrow because I know His mercies are new every morning. These days make that little line from a well loved verse so powerful to me.
It's rough this time of the month to keep on trusting with our rent and house payment due. I get very overwhelmed. This then causes me to do very stupid things and I did one of those today and got into "trouble" with the hubby. It's been a rough day, but His mercies are new every morning!
I have really been struggling with the fact that our house is not selling up north. I totally know I am not alone. I bumped into a mom at one of my mom's groups a few weeks ago who was so relieved to have just sold their home and after paying two house payments for 18 months! My blood ran cold when I heard her say that length of time. She was still alive and she still looked sane, so there is hope.
When we took this step of faith to uproot our family and put Hubby through school, I truly believed our home would sell quick. I thought by winter it would be off our hands. Well it is spring and things are not looking too promising.
As I mentioned before we went to my dad's last week and while we were there, we visited our old church. What a blessing this was to me. It felt so good to be hugged so many times! I love those friends dearly. We were also anxious to hear the brand new pastor speak. I have heard amazing things about this man and was so excited to hear him. His sermon was really good but the most interesting thing was when he started talking about the selling of a home during his sermon!
They are trying to sell a home too. He said something like this, "Is it still God's will for you to be where you are when your home hasn't sold after 6 weeks?" Ummm...well how about after 7 months. This hit me between the eyes because, well, I'm there. Is it still God's will? Why won't He just let it sell? What is He trying to do? Does He know what He is doing? Yikes! Scary questions....they spiral me right into that yucky place. That place that I've become way too familiar with...that place that I abhor, but I still take myself there...LACK OF FAITH!
The point was that yes, you can still be in the center of God's will even when things are not going the way you want them to go.
Then he hit me with this, "Honor the person of God before the product of God." When we do this, when we just trust Him even when things are not happening the way we would prefer them to go, we can have joy because WE KNOW God is true. If I focus only on what He does, it will lead to disappointment.
OH MY WORD! Did he crawl into my messed up head to find this out? This is something I struggle with so much. I get disappointed so easily because things don't go the way I want them to go.
Am I honoring God for who He is or am I more focused on what He is or isn't doing for me?
I leaned over to my sweet friend that I was sitting by and said, "Isn't it crazy that we are here for THIS sermon? Of all the Sundays, it's this one!"
I would love to say to you, "Issue fixed!" but alas, I can not, at least not yet. Again this is a moment by moment thing.
This season of life is hard. I have to choose each day...each moment to focus on the good. I have to choose to focus on God for who He is, not on what I want Him to do. I am trying. Today was hard and I failed miserably, BUT HIS MERCIES ARE NEW TOMORROW MORNING!
***Side Note: I am signed up on Spark People but it's a bit overwhelming as there is so much on there. I'm going to ease into that. I am enjoying searching for recipes.Yesterday was a dreary, rainy, cold day, so we couldn't go for our daily walk. I.DUG.OUT.A.KATHY.SMITH.DVD! She kicked my butt!!! I do love her though. She is my favorite exercise instructor on dvd. She seems so real and isn't overly perky. Those perky ones, they DRIVE me nuts when I'm melting into a puddle of sweat and about ready to keel over! Do you have a favorite work-out DVD?Funny story! I did the dvd with my oldest daughter. She thought it was so fun. When she saw that I had on shoes to do it, she wanted her shoes too. A couple minutes later I looked down to see that she had chosen truly appropriate work-out shoes...red rubber ladybug boots! Perfect! She also used two cylinder blocks for her weights! She loved it so much that she asked to do it tonight while I was making supper! She was trying to do the moves! LOVE IT! And that folks, is why I want to do this!
This is a hard post to write but I know it needs to be done. If I don't write it, if I don't let you know what I'm attempting, I won't do it. There is something about putting all right out there for the world to see that is...shall we say...motivating? I need motivation so here we go.
I need to lose weight. I need to in the worst way. This has always been my struggle. It stinks because it's all out there for everyone to see and know. I have tried so many times and failed. I have done so well before and then stopped and ended up right where I started.
The thing I am craving the most right now is a lifestyle change. My weight keeps me from doing so many things because it has made me a VERY insecure person. I hate that. I hate feeling insecure when I know how very secure I am in a Jesus who loves me passionately.
And now I have been entrusted with these two amazing little girls and I long to be a good role model for them. I have been talking to my oldest a lot about wise food decisions and how keeping busy is good for us. I feel like I'm a hypocrite at times when I tell her these things then turn around and make horrible decisions for myself.
So I'm attempting. The thing is that when I have started to do this in the past, I jump all on board giving it my all, then fail one time and throw it out the window. So I'm trying to make small steps and work myself into it not just jump in head first and get discouraged. I have been reading Annie Blogs lately. She has started her own journey and it made me want to do it too but in my own way.
We'll see. I don't know what will happen but I want change. I long for some good change. I guess moving to a brand new place with brand new people makes you want to change some things. I don't know. But I do know that I do not want to pass weight issues on to my sweet, precious little ones.
So bring on the spinach! Thankfully I had already started a love affair with spinach so I'm planning many spinach salads for lunch in the coming days. YUM! I have also been making a conscious effort to shop the perimeter of the grocery store. You do know about this right? The major part of your grocery shopping should be done in the perimeter of the store for things like produce, meats, and dairy. (I go to one store that has ice cream on the perimeter. Does that count?) I do not buy snacky things at all anymore either. Pretzels are about the only snack that makes their way into our home.
I'm going to check out Spark People too. I have several friends who have used this site and loved it.
Now that the weather is nice I have started taking the girls on walks around our neighborhood. It's much different walking here than it was up north. There are hills and it is a work-out. I also push both girls in the double stroller so that makes it even harder. I just keep repeating, "One step at a time, one step at a time."
I won't be posting how many pounds lost here. We don't own a scale. Honestly seeing the number flash on the scale is more of a deterrent for me than a help. It overwhelms me so I judge by how my clothes are fitting. Someday I will own a scale and I will estimate how much.
So, if you would pray for me as I start this journey yet again. It would mean more to me than anything. I can not do this alone. This is a battle from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I close them. I could also use a jump start on the metabolism so you could pray for that too. :)
I do have to say that this is a HIGHLY personal battle to me. Posting this here...well I might have an anxiety attack. I do NOT talk about weight, dieting, exercising with anyone. It makes me feel very vulnerable and weak. EXTREMELY. So if you do happen to talk to me about this on the street and you get the "I don't want to talk about this" vibe, slap me in the face and remind me, "I'm your friend and I only want the best for you." :)
You know those security gates that you walk through to get into a store and out of it? I set those things off. The really crazy part is that it is only certain stores and not others. I have always set off Walgreen's and CVS and most Targets. It is very annoying and embarrassing. If I set the alarms off when I walk in, I always say to the cashier before I leave, "Just so you know, I'm going to beep when I leave because I did when I came in."
It gets even weirder because sometimes I will beep when I go in but not when I go out or vice versa. This happened today at Target. I have never set off the alarm at our Target here in our new town. It felt so freeing to walk into a Target, wait for the beeps with my heart beating a bit quicker, then NO BEEP! Ahh...relief. No judging eyes turning my way. Just walk in and walk out and not worry about it.
Ok, so today, I walk in to Target for diapers. (Target brand diapers are my favorite right now. They work, they're cute and THEY ARE CHEAP! And it gives me an honest reason to go to Target. How could it be any better?) I get the goods and score a super cute shirt on clearance for me. I pay. I leave. I BEEP!!!!!!!! What in the world??? I'm totally cluelesss.
I have tried everything to figure out what causes me to beep. Cashiers are always sure it is my winter coat BUT I can beep without it. (I even had one ask if I wanted her to run my coat over there de-beeping device thingamajig in the scanner because she thought for sure it was a security device left in my coat.) My 12 year old niece was sure it was my earrings BUT when I took them out and let her carry them out, I beeped.
I think it might be that super cute red wallet that I "misplaced" last week. I don't know for sure. I thought my beeping days were over but alas I have brought my beepage south with us. It got packed and put in a box and moved with us only to be discovered today at Target.
(Ok, so I have beeped at some other stores down here, but that was just too cute a paragraph to pass on.)
So a word to you if you are ever shopping with me...I am NOT a kleptomaniac. I mean if I beep when I go in, that should at least say something about my honor.
And can I just tell you something? I have NEVER, NOT ONCE been asked to show what was in my bags or anything by anyone if I beep on my way out. Typically I stop, turn around and wait for Mr. Security Guard to come bounding over the check-out lane to pull me aside and check my bags. He never does. A lone, bored out of her mind cashier will usually say, "You're fine." I mean, what if I had a Flat Screen TV jammed under my coat? What IF???? What really is the purpose of those security gates if they don't check? One purpose is to make EVERY other person near the security gate look at you like you are a criminal and should be sentenced to jail time. Fun, fun, fun!
I guess...maybe...I don't look like a criminal type to store employees. I guess...maybe...I look more like the "Please, leave me alone and let me get these two worn out crying children to the car, so I can get them home and fed" Mom type.
I was busy all day entertaining my father and my aunt who came down to visit us. It was a sweet visit. I cherish these times even more now that we are not close by. I really took for granted just jumping in the car and going to see my parents or hubby's parents. I am blessed beyond measure to have family that I love and appreciate. I wish I could box everyone up and bring them here to live within easy-peasy driving distance. I love family and I cherish the moments my girls have with our families.
After they left, I had my typical "after-being-with-family-Debby-Downer" moment, wishing they were here or I was there. Then I got on my computer and saw that I have so much to be thankful for today. I read that one family has lost a sweet precious 5 year old daughter and another has lost a sweet newborn child. I was quickly reminded how insignificant my longings are in comparison to what these families are longing for...to hold their sweet little ones again, to see their precious smiling faces again, to smell those intoxicating little heads again.
It is difficult to keep my mind focused on the grand scheme of things when I get caught up in, "Why isn't our house selling,""Why is the car making that noise again," "Why are living away from family????" I get weighted down and have a very hard time living in each moment. I don't feel like being joyful when I get so weighted down.
On Sunday morning at church the service was wrapping up in worship after a wonderful sermon on mercy. Two rows ahead of me was a sweet little girl around the age of 8. She stood in the center aisle, having a wonderful time singing and dancing. She was not holding anything back. She didn't care that everyone was watching her. She was praising her Jesus. She was full of joy. She even broke out into the full jumping jacks dance. It was so moving to me. I watched her and my eyes filled with tears as she twirled.
She was not weighted down by financial worries, longings for family, car problems. She just floated and worshiped. I long to be like this child. To praise Him and not be weighted down. To hand it all over to Him and twirl.
Tonight after hearing of the enormous losses that two families are grappling with today, it made me long even more to twirl before Jesus. To shout and praise Him and not take another moment with sweet little ones for granted. To get down on the floor and play more. To get the paint out more. To model a life of gratefulness before them. To show them everyday how to twirl.
"'Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the SIMPLICITYof a child, you'll never get in.' Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them." Mark 10: 14-16 The Message
I long to have child-like, unweighted, twirling faith.
I hope that someday my daughters can have this same little conversation from one of my fave movies, You've Got Mail, with someone but in regards to their faith and pure, divine love with Jesus. Joe: Um, is that you in the photograph? What are you doing? Kathleen: Twirling. My mother and I used to twirl.
I seriously wonder some days if I am slowly losing my mind. I do these things that I have never done before and am very disturbed by it. Let's see...it all starting going to pot in October of 2005. What happened that month? My first child was conceived! I really do believe that child bearing and rearing rob you slowly of brain cells. I used to be "with it," not so much anymore. Can I get an AMEN?
Another notch in the "not so with it" belt came to me on Tuesday. Monday night I scurried out to get my hair cut. I was in the mood to get my hair cut and I had a two hour window in which to do it. Wouldn't you know it, everyone on the west side of town was getting their hair cut also so I had to wait 45 minutes. Oh well...there was a CATO next door and I still had birthday money. I found some killer deals! I got a pair of jeans for $10.99 and a pair of awesome shoes for $7.99. I.LOVE.CATO!
So...back to my story...I rushed back and had missed my time slot so I had to wait again. (Don't tell hubby that part of the story.) Hubby had a study group at 7:00 p.m. and it was 6:30 p.m. My name was called and I said, "CUT IT!!!!! I want it above my shoulder in the front in an A-line to the back and a bit stacked." I know this cut well...it's my fave and it works. The stylist was MORTIFIED that I wanted so much cut off and kept asking if I was sure. Oh yes...do it! We finished at 7:00 p.m. I paid and RAN to my car with wet hair, jumped in and got home fast. Hubby grabbed his bag and ran out the door. (He is never upset if I am late. I always think he is going to be, but he NEVER is! He's so stinking laid back! Ha!)
Proceed to the next morning...I wake up thinking (I have no idea why I was thinking about this), "Huh, I don't remember putting my gift card back in my wallet. I need to check and make sure I have the gift card." (My mother-in-law had given me a Fiesta gift card awhile back. There was enough on there for another hair cut so I wanted to be sure I had it!)
We get ready, I dump my purse on my bed to find my lipstick and there is NO wallet! Where is my wallet???? I panic, I search, I panic some more, I search. It is nowhere! I call Fiesta and they don't see it anywhere. I do find out that the stylist who did my hair will be in at 12:30 and I should call back to talk to her. By this time we have to leave so Hubby can get to class but we drive to the parking lot where Fiesta is hoping it might be laying there. No wallet! It is big, it is red...we would have seen it. Hubby calms me down as I am not handling this very calmly and calls the police to see if anything was turned in. Nothing was. He calmly calls the bank and cancels my bank card. All I can think about are the precious gift cards, my stash of birthday money, the pics of my sweet girls, AND the tiny pink bow in my coin pocket that Pumpkin wore in the hospital.
I go to my mom's group as I had planned to because there isn't much I can do until 12:30 and if I go back home, I will just stew about my wallet. I go...I have a blessed time and actually forget about the wallet. At 12:30 I walk into Fiesta and make eye contact with the stylist and she says, "Did you lose something?" THANK YOU!!!!!!!
I guess I had dropped it in the parking lot. A man who was leaving the Chinese restaurant next door saw the wallet and saw me pulling out of the parking spot in my car. He assumed it belonged to me but had no way of getting my attention. (Remember, I was in a hurry.) He picked it up and took it home. He had to go through it and do some detective work and Praise the Lord , he did! He called information but couldn't get my current info as the address on my driver's license is still from up north. He found my receipts and happened upon one from Fiesta that was from 7:01 p.m. that night. He called them and my stylist happened to answer. He told her the story and she remembered me saying we had moved here from up north and figured out who I was! He gave her his phone number since they assumed I would be in asking about my wallet. I got his number, called him and got my wallet back safe and sound. I am amazed! (See that sweet little pink bow? I was so worried about that little bow.)
All this to encourage you and me that there are still good, honest people in this world! I am so very thankful!
Guess who went to the grocery after getting back her wallet, filled the grocery cart, unloaded the grocery cart to pay for it all, gave the nice cashier her grocery card, pulled out her bank card, and REMEMBERED that it was now canceled and she had no other form of payment? Take a guess. Go ahead. No idea? Well that would have been ME! DRATS! And that nice cashier turned very UN-NICE when I mentioned my little predicament and she had to void out each item and reload my grocery cart. GEESH! Don't worry...I got Hubby's bank card and got my groceries from a DIFFERENT cashier! Thank goodness the bag boy was nice about the whole thing!
All this to say...being a mother kills ALL of the remaining brain cells that are left after giving birth to a baby.
Have you ever sat listening to someone speak and you knew? You knew that moment was meant for you. You knew those words were spoken directly to you, to your heart. They were words that took your breath away and brought tears of awe to your eyes. That happened to me on Sunday morning at church.
Let me begin by saying that since the holidays we haven't made it to church as much as we would like. This or that happens and we just don't get there. We were determined to make it this past Sunday. With Sundays being our ONLY day together as a family, sometimes it is just hard. BUT we made it. We were late but we were there. As the guest speaker started talking, I knew...he was there for me. He knew what my heart was struggling with and he was going to speak to me. Even though there were 500 plus or minus people there, it felt like it was just me (except when I leaned over to my hubby and asked what he had just said as I frantically took notes).
I held back tears of amazement as I realized that the Lord had brought me to that place and was longing to speak to me through this man, a stranger. I did hold back the tears because I was sitting next to a young college girl who did not seem to be having the same awe-struck experience as me. I did not think she would be too thrilled to have this 35 year old mommy sobbing beside her so I held it together. Can I just ask...when did those college students get so young????
So the topic of the message....TRUST. Yeowzers! Ouch! How do we survive the squalls of life? These are the main points that I got from the message. *Trust in the Lord MUST characterize our lives.
*The one who really trusts in God will know how to respond when times of crisis arise. When things are at their worst, it's really when it's the best because then we MUST rely on God. Crisis lays bare what really matters so that we can pursue who really matters.
*The one who really trusts in God will live an effective life not an affected life.
*The one who really trusts in God knows that circumstances are ALWAYS in the Lord's hand. It is not my battle, it is God's so I need to take my stand FIRMLY. It is so much easier to just despair and be discouraged because then we don't have to do anything.
*The one who really trusts in God can offer unconditional obedience to His will. If I trust firmly then I will stand firmly. The plans of God will supercede my will, even the best of my human plans. He is not taken by surprise. I must wait on Him. I must refuse to act before His will is revealed. Our plans are subject to His approval. Trust is the alert expectation that God is God and He will do what He says.
*The one who really trusts God will experience the true joy of unanticipated blessings from God.
*I can welcome each new day with joy because I trust in Him. The future lies beyond my competence because it is in His hands. I can act even without a guarantee of the outcome because God is with me.
So why did this hit me so profoundly? Well, it is exactly what I have been struggling with. Moving away to a place where I knew not one soul last August was a HUGE step of trust. I really felt like we were doing the right thing although on paper it sure didn't look right. It looked pretty scary. I had so many tell me that they saw a transformation of my heart and felt like we were doing the right thing once I jumped on board with my hubby. I was trusting. I was trusting that God would take what looked like a mess on paper and create something truly beautiful.
The past couple of months, my trust has been wavering. We have been trying to sell our house up north, but NOTHING was happening. The money that we had set aside was quickly dwindling and I knew that we only had enough to get us through March. With March fast approaching, panic began settling in. Did we do the right thing? What were we thinking? How is this going to work?
I have lost so much sleep in the past few weeks. Laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, that is when the reality hits and my mind spirals into the pit of anxiety and worry. Then come the tears. Then comes the doubt. Will He really take care of us? Does He really care about our house selling? Does He really, truly care that the only place I want to be is with my two precious little girls, not at a job? Is He going to see us through this?
I suggest that you don't go there. Nothing good comes out of this spot. Poor parenting skills come out of it. The wrong tone of voice when talking to your hubby comes out of it. Feeling despair and discouraged come out of it.
Sooooo....then comes Sunday and WHACK in my face. TRUST ME! I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU HANG. I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. JUST TRUST ME.
At the end of the service we sang the song "All Things are Possible" which I had not heard for years but it was perfect and with tears streaming down my face I sang my heart out. This line BLEW me away, "I will praise you with a new song." I will praise Him with a new song...a new song in my heart, a new attitude, a new thought process. I will trust Him.
So that, my friends brings us to today. At 11:50 a.m. I got a text from my hubby who was at school saying, "We had a showing at the house and the person thinks it is a possibility." SERIOUSLY!!!! I mean, did you hear that? WE.HAD.A.SHOWING.AND.IT.IS.PROMISING! That is huge. My flesh is trying not to get excited. I know that this can fall through because it has a couple of times for us already but I know that He chose today to show me, He is still in control. All he asks of me is to trust Him. I'm going to. It's a decision I have to make not just each morning, but each moment. When the fear sets in, I have to take a deep breath and say, "NO! I trust Him. He will provide something, someway, somehow."
There is a song that has spoken to my soul so deeply since I heard it the first time many years ago and again in this time. The music is gorgeous, the lyrics profound. I can not think of a time that I have listened to this song without tears streaming down my face. I sang it time and time to my oldest daughter when she was a baby and I was in the midst of my mom's failing health or when we lost our second baby. I want her to trust Him. I want her to see her Mommy trust Him. The song is by Sixpence None the Richer and is called Trust. (Remember to pause the music at the bottom of my page so you can hear this song.)
