Dancing with the Angels

Dear Little One,
Today was a day that was supposed to be filled with great joy and excitement. We would either be holding you in our arms or anxiously awaiting your arrival. Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be. You were not meant for us to hold in our arms, only in our hearts. Today quickly became the day that I did not look forward to. The one final mark of your short existence. Today is the day that were you to be due but you have been gone now for just over 22 weeks and 4 days. I still find myself "feeling" you only to realize it isn't you. I guess these are what you would call phantom pains. June 1 the waves of grief came again. I thought I had moved on, but June was supposed to be full of last minute preparations now it is not. The tears have been flowing again from time to time. In a way, I am glad. I do not ever want to forget you. Remembering is hard, though because I will never hold you. I will never hear your first word. I will never see your smile. The list goes on and on. I have a box filled with the memory of you. It holds pajamas that a friend bought for you, a pair of horse slippers that someone else bought for you. It also holds the pregnancy journal that I had just started one week before we found out that we had lost you. There are also the many cards we received in the days following. The program from your burial service "In God's Hands" and the candle we were given is there also. On the days when I need to remember you, I will have that. I know where you are and that is my greatest sense of peace. You are being well cared for and loved beyond measure. I know that. My heart still aches for you. I love you.
Mama
Isaiah 43:1

I Will Carry You

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you